The Third Wheel

This story about the hikers stumbling upon Iran – I don’t know how to feel about it. On one hand talk about adventurers! I go up to Gooseberry Falls and imagine myself some explorer as I weave my way through mobs of families with fanny packs and these guys are off to war-torn Iraq to scratch their hiking itch. The other hand, of course, screams “What the hell are you doing hiking around Iraq?” But all this is beside the point.

The real tragedy here is what has to be the most extreme case of the third wheel of all time. I feel terrible for the guy.

Shane Bauer, Sarah Shourd and third wheel Joshua Fattal

Imagine the setup. It’s the end of the night. Old high school friends catching up with each other, probably in one of their garages (let’s say it’s Shane Bauer’s, aka “The Boyfriend”), sitting in camping chairs, making jokes about how Shane is becoming a real handy man. Maybe a little tour of the garage and what he’s working on. The crowd starts to thin. Shane and Joshua Fattal (aka “The Third Wheel”) remain.

SHANE: I just wanna get away, you know, go somewhere different.

JOSH: I hear ya.

SHANE: And I’m not talkin’ about backpacking through Europe or any of that bullshit. I’m talkin’ about somewhere far away from that. Somewhere, I don’t know, dangerous.

JOSH: Yeah. Like where?

SHANE: What’s the last place in the world we should go to right now?

And so the plan was made over a healthy beer buzz. Usually ideas around this time of night never materialize (and for good reason), but Shane and/or Josh somehow stuck with it. Who knows, maybe they were growing apart and needed this adventure to rekindle their friendship. Meanwhile, Sarah (aka “The Girlfriend”) catches whiff of Shane’s plans.

SARAH: Oh…

SHANE: It won’t be too long. We were thinking two weeks, tops.

SARAH: Okay.

SHANE: Are you thinking it’s too dangerous?

SARAH: No, it’s not that…

SHANE: Did you want to come with?

SARAH: Well I’d hate to intrude…

But she did and Shane is left to make the phone call every guy hates to make.

JOSH: Heyyy…Shaner!

SHANE: Hey Josh.

JOSH: What’s up?

SHANE: Something’s come up.

JOSH: You can’t make it now?

SHANE: No, worse than that. I mentioned this to Sarah and...

JOSH: Oh…

SHANE: Is that okay? I could tell her it’s sort of a guy thing or…

JOSH: No, no, it’s okay.

“It’s only for a couple of weeks,” Josh rationalized to himself as he packed. There were now two tents instead of one. They boarded the plane. Sarah slept on Shane’s shoulder as Josh read Spin magazine. Conversations were edited. It was still fun, just not fun-fun.

Of course it’s been far longer than two weeks, or however long they had planned. Shane and Josh share a cell and Sarah is separate. The guys are free to talk about whatever, but it’s probably hard to shoot the shit and reminisce when you’re being used as a political pawn. Shane and Sarah even got engaged. Shane made the ring using pieces of his shirt, no doubt asking Josh along the way “What do you think of this?” Josh, being the good friend he is, likely fashioned a polite reply.

I was a third wheel plenty of times in high school, but tagging along with Adam and Jess to see Time Cop at East Bethel Theaters is no Iranian prison. You’re a good friend, Josh, and an inspiration to third wheels everywhere. Your time will come. And when it does, Shane better be there. He owes you one.